Thursday, September 13, 2012

WE GOT THE CALL!

Friends and family, we are super excited to announce that we have been selected by a birth mom for our adoption! If all goes well, we will have a precious baby girl in November!!! Please pray with us as we walk this path, prepare for our little angel, meet the birth mom, and iron out all the details. Thanks in advance for your love, support, and prayers! We are overwhelmed with joy and so grateful for God's perfect timing!





Tuesday, September 4, 2012

I'm Still Angry with Infertility

Regardless of  how  high spirited  I try to be, the truth is there are still days that I can't shake the fact that infertility sucks! Every month  there is still a day or two when I can't quite crawl out of the hole of infertility sadness. It’s typically only a  few days of the month and the other 29 days of the month I’m nice ole happy Krystyna! I think "YES! Adoption! I CAN'T WAIT! I honestly don't mind that he/she won't be our biological child! Oh look, what a cute baby! What a beautiful rainbow! God is Good!!"

On the dark days,  I sulk in sadness and think,  "Why don't I  have a baby yet? Everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant with such ease and here I am, waiting for 5 years and feeling completely helpless and out of control. Why hasn't God blessed me with good health? ” On these days every Facebook, Instrigram and Pinterest visit seems to pour salt into my open infertility wound. I feel guilty for feeling this way. Why can’t I just get over the pain of infertility once and for all?

After some reflection, I have come to the realization that no matter how truly happy I am to adopt and how confident I am in God’s hand in our adoption, there may always be a part of me that’s angry about my infertility. Even after we have a children somehow, someway, and that anger has diminished significantly, I'll always remember and I’m not quite the women I dreamed I would be. I hate dealing with the side effects of my illness and I hate the constant reminder that I'm not quite as healthy as I'd like to believe I am.  However, I have to find peace in the fact that God heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (Psalm 147:3). I can’t get over this anger or sadness alone. In Christ alone I can find healing for my broken heart! I have to continue to pray for healing and realize that wounds can heal quickly, but only with the proper ointment. God is that ointment and I need to trust in him, not in my own understanding!

Sorry about the negative vent, but I promised myself I'd be real and raw about this journey.