The last few weeks have been very eventful, my
sister-in-law and one of my best friends had babies, both beautiful and healthy
little princesses. As my kids have observed these gals going from a forty-one
week belly, to a newborn in their hands, it has sparked their curiosity. Andrey
asked me some very difficult questions about how children are made (I think it’s
time for the birds and the bees talk) and Katya has become obsessed with babies
and has asked for a new lyalya (baby doll) of our own. I love that my kids are
getting to experience and observe the beauty of God bringing a new little
miracle into the world, well knowing this may be as close to the experience as
they’ll get. Although I’ve mostly celebrated the many pregnancies and babies
around the last few months, every once in a while, a bit of baby fever will
come over me.
When the doctors told me I would probably never conceive a child, I felt like such a failure as a woman, I mean, I worked hard all my life to accomplish what I wanted. In the past, if I saw something I wanted, I went for it and if I worked hard enough, 99% of the time, I was able to achieve it. But the one thing that I wasn’t supposed to have to work at [conceiving and bearing a child] is impossible for me. Coming to grips with that was very hard. It’s still a sore spot for me at times, but the big difference is now I know God writes our story and we don’t always know what’s best. Of course as I’ve grown in my faith, it became more clear to me that God allowed me to be successful in other areas of my life, it wasn’t through my effort or determination, but only through his grace and blessings that I was able to accomplish anything at all.
As I write this post, I am also grateful for my infertility. As I look back on the last 7 years of my life, I know if it weren’t for the trials God allowed in my life, I probably wouldn’t experience the joy and blessing of parenting two sweet (and unique) children through the gift of adoption. As a matter of fact, if it weren’t for God’s intervention, Andrey and Katya may not even be alive today. Shortly after our adoption, both of their Donetsk orphanages were seized by terrorists and the children were disbursed all over the place, some were transferred to Russia and others just fell off the grid. So although infertility still stings a bit, I know God has everything under control. Luckily, when I do sense baby fever coming over my, I’m able to get my dose of babies these days and there’s nothing I love more than holding baby Chloe and Alexandra. There’s something about holding a precious little one that restores your faith in humanity and leaves you in awe of God’s pure and innocent creation.
