Waiting Sucks!

Waiting is all I seem to do lately. I’m sorry  for being a Negative Nancy, but it’s been a hard couple of weeks for me, and I told you all I’d let you in on the highs and lows of infertility and adoption, so here’s the honest truth. I’ve began looking to God for supernatural patience and peace, because I can’t seem to get a handle on those myself. Perhaps Mother’s Day, baby showers and the newborn babies in my life have added to my impatience, but none the less, it’s been difficult.

Waiting sucks. We're almost on month 5 of the adoption wait. Back when we were filling out the pages and pages of adoption paperwork, we had to reveal every personal detail of our lives, medical history, financial history, etc. Now that we haven't been chosen, I’m starting to wonder what about our lives is so unappealing (I know, this is irrational)!  It's teaching me to have more patience, to realize that sometimes the good things that happen in life are the ones worth waiting for, and that I can't force something to happen that's not quite ready to occur. None the less, I still hate waiting. 

  
The only way I can describe this point of the process is that it's a lot like getting picked for the kickball team when you're in elementary school.  As the months go by with no call, it feels a lot like being one of the last two kids left to be chosen for the team-the one who has the crappy reflexes or the chubby kid who can’t run fast.  I keep trying to tell myself that the longer we wait, the better the match will be, because God’s going to send us our child, but the feeling that perhaps they won't find a match (which I know is irrational, but who said any of this is rational to begin with?) still tries to grab hold of my psyche.  That is the danger of this whole waiting game-that you have too much time to over analyze everything.

Did I mention that I hate waiting? Please keep us in our prayers, as we may have a long wait in front of us and we’d like to stay as positive as possible. I personally pray that God uses this time to prepare us for parenting (I hear you need lots of patience) and helps me focus on the blessings in my life. Thanks in advance! 

Husbands - Beware of The Following Statements

Husbands, we love you, but there are some things you should avoid saying to your wife throughout infertility.  Some of these are too funny!

1) My mother wants to give you some fertility advice so I told her you’d call her.

2) It’s a buddy’s fishing weekend so I might have to miss your ovulation period this month. Is that okay?

3) The fertility clinic called with your test results but I accidentally deleted the message.

4) You look bloated. Are you getting your period or could you be pregnant?

5) I told my sister you would be happy to plan her baby shower.

6) Why are you crying? It’s only a period.

7) Did you gain weight this cycle?

8) I heard if we just relax, it might happen.

9) I told my sister you’d take her shopping at the maternity store.

10)  Check out my ex-girlfriend’s cute maternity photos on Facebook!

11)  Are you crying AGAIN? Maybe you are pregnant! 

12)  I think you’re too obsessed about getting pregnant.

13)  Why do we always have to talk about getting pregnant?

14)  I invited your mother to our fertility appointment. 

15)  Don't worry honey, you wouldn't look good as a pregnant woman anyways.

16)  Why are you crying? It’s only a baby shower.

17)  Let’s go on vacation and maybe it will just happen!(I personally love this idea! J)

18)  I told my pregnant sister all our potential baby names and she might use one. Isn't that exciting? 

Celebrating (or simply surviving) Mother's Day

Unless you've struggled with infertility, you've probably never looked past the gifts, flowers and lovely mother’s day brunches. The truth is that Mother’s Day is one of the hardest days for most struggling with infertility. It’s a double whammy - Another anniversary of a year gone by without a baby — and a holiday that specifically excludes you.

Mother’s Day often means getting together with family members to celebrate their motherhood. This can be very difficult for a woman who is trying hard to have a baby but hasn’t yet succeeded, leaving her feeling isolated and alone. I’ve spent many mothers’ days holding back tears after church service and wondering why life is so unfair. But guess what, I survived, so will you! There are two ways you can generally cope with M-Day.

Sitting Mother’s Day Out

You should take your emotional temperature before deciding to sit out and go into hibernation for the day. Ask yourself, “How does Mother’s Day really make you feel?”. If it’s just awful and you won’t be able to contain  your emotions, then have a talk with your  mom and let her know you need some space and would love to celebrate HER another day, away from all of the commotion. You can “sit out” Mother’s Day with an activity you enjoy that is completely unrelated to the holiday.  But beware, It’ll be hard to avoid the festivities all together; as you will be subjected to Mother’s Day photos and Mommy-related status updates on facebook. 

Jumping into Mother’s Day

Let’s say your temperature about Mother’s Day is just mildly elevated to slightly unpleasant and difficult. (OK, let’s just say the holiday doesn’t make you want to stick needles in your eyes.) Then, celebrating your own mother could be the coping strategy that works for you.


You can take the bull by the horns and plan a brunch or dinner to celebrate your mom, after all, that’s what the holiday is about in the first place. Keep busy celebrating her, and you may forget your sadness for a while.

Making your mother the center of attention (thus taking the attention of yourself) may work, particularly if you and your mother are close and she has been supportive throughout your infertility battle. Use this as a chance to thank her for her support.

The main thing is to recognize that you have a right to feel upset about this holiday, and every right to manage it in the way that is least painful for you and is respectful to others. 

Bottles, Tears and Babies R' Us

Sorry for the delayed post.  I was in Mexico celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary. I've been truly blessed to spend the last five years with my prince charming by my side! I love you honey!!!

Everyone is so excited for us and always asking if we've heard anything.  The truth is we’ve been considered by several birth moms, but haven’t heard anything concrete yet. In the meantime, we are preparing to have a child in our lives, just like any other expectant parents would. Instead of Lamaze and doctor's visits, we are keeping up with our adoption classes, reading a lot of adoption books and getting our finances in order.  We have started to spend a little time preparing our home for our baby and a few months ago I started to take a look at all the stuff that's available for a baby.  All that I have to say is good grief there's a lot of baby stuff available!!! Because our placement can happen very quickly, we need to be prepared to bring our baby home on short notice. We were instructed to have basic baby essentials ready to go: diapers, bottles, formula, first few outfits (both boy and girl), car seat, crib and stroller. Sounds simple enough... YA RIGHT!

My first visit to Babies R Us ended with me practically in tears hyperventilating in the bottle aisle. Why are there 400 different bottles to choose from? What bottle is best? Why are they so expensive? What’s the difference between the affordable brand and not-so-affordable brand? Am I a bad mother if I want to save a few bucks and go with the affordable bottle? My head was spinning!!!! I started questioning how ready I was for motherhood. Had I just spent the last 5 years dreaming about being a mommy, only to find that I’m not even ready for this responsibility? Were these feelings of inadequacy normal or induced by being an adoptive mother? Luckily my wonderful sister, an experienced mom, came to my rescue and saved me from this whirlwind of anxiety. She picked out a few things for me and told me every mom feels overwhelmed at first. 

Luckily, shortly after my Babies R' Us experience, I was blessed by my ladies’ home group, which surprised me with a basket of all the baby essentials. Boy, was that a relief! My parents are also amazing and surprised me with a stroller as soon as we were officially on the waiting list!

This is all becoming so real! I can’t wait to start decorating the nursery! Most importantly, I can’t wait to meet our little baby, where ever he or she may be! 

Now, time for some feedback from other mom’s out there. Were you overwhelmed before you had the baby? What scared you most about motherhood? Any anxiety? How did you handle it?