Waiting Sucks!

Waiting is all I seem to do lately. I’m sorry  for being a Negative Nancy, but it’s been a hard couple of weeks for me, and I told you all I’d let you in on the highs and lows of infertility and adoption, so here’s the honest truth. I’ve began looking to God for supernatural patience and peace, because I can’t seem to get a handle on those myself. Perhaps Mother’s Day, baby showers and the newborn babies in my life have added to my impatience, but none the less, it’s been difficult.

Waiting sucks. We're almost on month 5 of the adoption wait. Back when we were filling out the pages and pages of adoption paperwork, we had to reveal every personal detail of our lives, medical history, financial history, etc. Now that we haven't been chosen, I’m starting to wonder what about our lives is so unappealing (I know, this is irrational)!  It's teaching me to have more patience, to realize that sometimes the good things that happen in life are the ones worth waiting for, and that I can't force something to happen that's not quite ready to occur. None the less, I still hate waiting. 

  
The only way I can describe this point of the process is that it's a lot like getting picked for the kickball team when you're in elementary school.  As the months go by with no call, it feels a lot like being one of the last two kids left to be chosen for the team-the one who has the crappy reflexes or the chubby kid who can’t run fast.  I keep trying to tell myself that the longer we wait, the better the match will be, because God’s going to send us our child, but the feeling that perhaps they won't find a match (which I know is irrational, but who said any of this is rational to begin with?) still tries to grab hold of my psyche.  That is the danger of this whole waiting game-that you have too much time to over analyze everything.

Did I mention that I hate waiting? Please keep us in our prayers, as we may have a long wait in front of us and we’d like to stay as positive as possible. I personally pray that God uses this time to prepare us for parenting (I hear you need lots of patience) and helps me focus on the blessings in my life. Thanks in advance!