No Guarantees

When Roman and I had decided to move forward with international adoption, we knew it would be difficult, both emotionally and financially draining, but we thought of how amazing it would be and  thought it’d be worth every hardship! After all, if we could do it once, what's another try? Boy, we were in for a quite the surprise! First of all, we were both a bit stunned that we’d have to start the entire adoption process from scratch! YIKES! We already had countless hours of training, a 3” binder of paperwork and spent the bulk of our savings on our domestic adoption. Most times this is a bitter pill to swallow, but it's doable. This week I hit rock bottom as I came to the rude realization that nothing about this process guarantees success.  Here are a few updates on the adoption front:

-          Andriy’s orphanage is closing. The officials in Makeyevka, Ukraine decided it’d be more profitable to open a day care in its place. Andriy is being yanked away from the only security he’s had in his life, his friends, care takers and the orphanage he’s come to know as his home.  His orphanage is far from perfect, but it sure provides a sense of security. The last few times we spoke to him, he was nervous we wouldn't be able to find him if he moved. Although we reassured him we'll find him,  we don’t know if we’ll be able to continue phone contact with him once he is moved to a new orphanage. We are praying for God’s help in this transition.

-          I received devastating news that a family we met through our hosting program, who was also adopting, is now mourning the loss of the daughter they were supposed to bring home. Maria, from Andriy’s orphanage, was picked up by a foster family last week, and regardless of how temporary the foster arrangement, it will most likely void the international adoption. This family has invested in Maria emotionally, physically and financially.  They don’t know if they’ll ever see the daughter they fell in love with ever again. Please keep them in your prayers.  

-          Andriy has had a few families come by and visit him because they’d like to foster either him or  Katya. Although there isn’t too much demand for fostering a 10 year old boy, a three year old girl who is mostly healthy is appealing to local families. However, Andriy must agree to be separated from her (although they aren’t together now) or the family must agree to take-in both of them, Andriy has to agree to this arrangement. So far, he’s rejected these situations and patiently waits for his Mama and Papa to come from the US. However, one question haunts me… When will his patience run out?

Aside from my fears and anxiety, I also feel sorry for myself at times. I hate this feeling of self-pity but it’s been creeping up lately. Most recently, at a baby shower this weekend where I was reminded that I have a storage full of baby supplies I may never use. I never had a chance to use it. I should have had that  chance but for some reason it never worked out.  I quickly came to the realization that I’m still mourning the loss of not having a baby and now a new dose of reality: I may have lost the chance to ever have a little itty baby. The thought of losing Andriy and Katya at this point is unbearable.

Overall, what's gotten me through these few weeks was the amazing support and encouragement from friends, family, acquaintances and kind strangers! Thank you to all of our heroes, those who have stepped out and made an effort to support our adoption, both financially and spiritually! We truly appreciate it and the success of our fundraiser has encouraged us every step of the way! Please continue to pray for God's hand to be over every step of this process, from the dossier to the flight home! God-willing, we hope to pick Andriy and Katya up in February!