CAUTION: This post is about women’s health, PCOS and
infertility issues. If you don’t want to read about periods, body-image and so
on, stop right here! If you continue to read on, please remember you were
fairly warned.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately. After
becoming a mother, I've tried to look at the areas of my life I can improve and
I've realized that although I've had a good grasp on most things, the one thing
I could never seem to get a handle on has been my health. I have avoided facing
this issue head on because any time I ask additional questions, go to doctor’s
appointments, or decide to research new information online, I hit a wall of
frustrations and it reminds me of a deep dark place I had been a few years
after being diagnosed with PCOS, Endometriosis and infertility. This is a place
where I feel I have no control and very little understanding. I've managed to
have a positive attitude about most things in life, but I've fooled
myself into believing if I don’t focus on my health, my issues will somehow
eventually go away. When I think about my declining health over the years, it
makes me feel like a failure. I hate the fact that my body doesn't do what God
intended it to do. I've avoided sharing this post for many months because I’m
embarrassed and scared of exposing my true insecurities. The truth is once I
truly face my prognosis, I feel defeated. Hopeless. Angry. I’m trying to take a
different approach for once. I want to be proactive and face my condition head
on. The first step of this is
acceptance. In hopes of helping someone else who may be struggling with medical
issues, I've decided to recap a bit of my history and how I was diagnosed.
Before getting married, I had never struggled
with any major health concerns, other than the occasional cramps and headaches. Although I had never had exactly 28 days
between cycles, I had a cycle every 4-5 weeks. After about 9 months
of marriage, my periods became less frequent and we had been convinced we must have been pregnant. I had felt drowsy, tired, bloated
and was gaining weight rapidly. After
about 6 months of hit-or-miss cycles, 30 extra pounds of weight and stomach cramps, it
was time to see the doctor. Eventually after numerous appointments, an
additional 15 pounds and severe pelvic pain, I was diagnosed with PCOS and
endometriosis. My OBGYN had said I had a small chance of ever getting
pregnant naturally, because of how severe my symptoms were. I had never heard
of Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome but I learned it was a condition in which levels of the hormones are out of
balance. Not only would I be faced with infertility, but the additional
symptoms that I had been warned about were cysts on ovaries, heart disease, diabetes,
high-cholesterol, unwanted hair growth, acne, obesity and endometrial cancer. That was a bitter pill to swallow. I quickly
learned there was no known cause of PCOS and no cure and my case was quickly severe.
Since being diagnosed over 6 years ago, I've been pre-diabetic and have had
surgery to remove the 30+ cysts and endometriosis I had on my ovaries. After
surgery, I was able to find natural remedies for managing pain and preventing
cysts growth but the few times in the last years I’ve gotten a period are worth
celebrating. #PCOSProblems #DreamingofPMS
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| A few weeks after our wedding |
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| PrePCOS |
This may sound shallow, but I think the most difficult part
of dealing with PCOS in the first few years was dealing with my body-image
after I had gained 45 pounds in a matter of 9 months. I was #stillAM terrified
of being perceived as a couch potato and someone who lacks self-control. I have
to admit that I may have had one too many pizzas and lattes in the last few
years to contribute to my weight gain, but it all spiraled out of control with
my hormone issues. I learned my appearance was extremely important to me and I
hated the person I had become. Thankfully God has shown me he loves me despite of
my weight and has sent people in my life who feel the same way. Later
in my journey, it hit that infertility was truly going to be a problem and coping with infertility has been a process of its own (I spoke about this in my previous posts). At this point, I've accepted the side effects,
although unpleasant, but I’m fed up with feeling helpless. I don’t want to go
down this slippery slope and I've decided it’s time I take control and responsibility
and fight this condition. I want to be the healthiest person I can be, even if
that looks or feels different than others. I need to embrace that I can change
the statistics. I can prove the doctors wrong. PCOS, infertility or insulin resistance don’t have
to define me. I have three people in my life who think the world of me and they
are worth fighting for. I want to be proactive about my health, and take back
control, once and for all. I’ll follow up with additional posts explaining how
I’m going to do that and write about my progress in the future.
Have you ever struggled with health concerns that made you
feel helpless or overwhelmed? How did you tackle them?
