Why We Chose Adoption

Just recently, someone asked me why I've started this blog in the first place. It’s definitely not because I’m aspiring to be the next Jane Austen (I wish!).  I started the blog for the following reasons:

1. To share our story of infertility and adoption
2. To educate our community about infertility and adoption and bring more awareness to these sometimes taboo topics
3.  Therapy! It’s therapeutic to write about what I've experienced in the last few years. Infertility and adoption come with a lot of unwanted emotions and sometimes it’s just best to lay them all out in writing. Also, it’s great to keep my mind occupied as we wait for the phone call that will change our lives forever!

Here is some background:

After talking about it for years, Roman and I started our adoption journey in August 2011.  After lots of paperwork, adoption classes, CPR classes, financial and medical assessments and our home study, we were finally approved in early February for a domestic newborn adoption. We've been eagerly waiting for a call from our adoption agency. While preparing for adoption, we were often asked why we were adopting.  So here are some reasons we decided to adopt:

Adopting a child is a calling

First and foremost, we didn’t chose to adopt, God chose us for adoption.

Ultimately, this process has been God leading us (and teaching us) and we are merely following.

I wonder what would happen if everything happened according to my life plan? I guess I’d be an attorney, living in a beautiful 4 bedroom suburban home, with three beautiful and perfectly disciplined children who all cleaned and read their Bibles- just for fun! Ya right! How often does that happen? Thank God he’s led us by his plan (although I’m still not opposed to the other plan eitherJ).  It’s amazing to take part of God’s plan and see how he uses our lives to glorify HIM!  As Christians, we should be honored to take part of God’s plan to care for widows and orphans! And although you might not be called to adopt, you can be a part of loving and supporting another child through supporting adoption. Adoption can be scary sometimes, but it is a beautiful journey. We’ve learned to trust God in ways that we could have never imagined.

The concept of adoption originates with God

God shows us the first and most meaningful example of adoption. When we humble ourselves and ask for God’s help and forgiveness, we are adopted as His children. We are God’s adopted children despite of our background and our blemishes, we are his and he loves us as a father loves his son.

There are many orphans in this world who need a home

While we can’t help them all, we can open up our family to the few that God leads us to, with the resources He provides. We have been abundantly blessed in so many ways and we have the means to adopt and provide a safe and loving home to a child in need.

An example of this is illustrated in the story of a man, walking along the beach, at low tide.  He observed that the beach was littered with starfish, stranded by the receding ocean, all doomed to die.  At one point he encountered a child picking some up and tossing them back in.  “You can’t possibly make a make any dent or difference, with so many,” he noted to the boy as he passed.  The boy held one before throwing into the sea and responded, “It matters to this one.”

So even if we can’t make a huge impact and help all the orphans in the world, we can adopt one (or more).

When we began to consider having children, we realized that it might not be easy for us. We decided, early on in our marriage, that we’d love to adopt some time in our lives. Once I was diagnosed with infertility, we both agreed we wouldn’t spend thousands on infertility treatments and we’d adopt. Whether a child had our DNA or not wasn’t a priority. In our assessment, you are a parent based on how you love them, not how they joined the family. Children are a gift from God, even if they are delivered in different packages.

We Wanted to start a family

We were devastated that we couldn’t have biological children and coping with infertility isn’t easy. We knew without a doubt that we wanted kids, lots of kids! We also knew that adoption would never fill our desire to have biological children, but it would give us a chance to start a family and love a child like our own. We decided that once again, God gave us the opportunity to start a family through adoption. We want a baby and a baby out there needs a home. What a perfect match! J

Adoption is worth the financial expense

Adoption is financially expensive, no doubt about it. We could have spent the money on a dozen different things, like a law degree or voyage around the world (which was tempting). The money could have been saved for the unknown future or been invested to earn more of it. Yet, all of that is temporal and fleeting. In God’s economy, a person is both eternal and of inestimable worth. In God’s economy, children are an asset and not a curse. In God’s economy, it is better to give than to receive. We chose to swallow the $25,000 cost of adoption and invest in our family and God’s eternal plan. We haven’t regretted yet. J

In conclusion, adoption is definitely a challenging and rewarding experience. We would encourage anyone interested in adoption, both international and domestic, to please do your research. It's not a perfect system and there is corruption in some countries or by some individuals. That said there are many reputable agencies and individuals out there who truly have the best interests of families at heart and do their best to keep their costs reasonable. Ultimately we trust that when the Lord leads us to adoption He will provide. Please feel free to comment or write if you have any questions or comments! Thanks for stopping in!

Stop Waiting… Start Living!

 Speaking from experience, when people struggle with infertility, it’s often too easy to stop enjoying their lives or put things on hold waiting for the day they get pregnant.  I'll be the first to admit that it's far too easy to start living your life, two weeks at a time. Two weeks waiting for ovulation, then another two weeks waiting for a pregnancy test. You wake up daily with only that on your mind and it’s hard to move past that hurdle. 

 I’ve been told a few times “If I was in your situation, I don’t know what I would do. I would be so devastated.” One person said “If I couldn’t have kids and went through all of your health issues, I’d probably stay in bed and cry all day.” Although I did have days where all I wanted to do was hibernate in bed, where I could avoid my surrounding world of happy families, beautiful children and SUPER fertile family and friends, that wasn’t the case every day. I'll admit there were days where I was devastated and just sick of waiting for my turn to be happy. I felt like God was punishing me and I had to wait out this horrible punishment until it was time to start living the life I had always wanted. One day when I was overwhelmed by self pity and sorrow, I heard Laura Story’s song Blessings. The lyrics rang in my ears like they were being spoken directly to me. I pulled over in my car and began to weep.  

“Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?

What if You’re healing comes through tears?

What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?”

I had been waiting for a huge miracle in my life. I was waiting for pregnancy in order to celebrate and enjoy my life. At that moment I had realized God was truly trying to bless my husband and I through the struggles of infertility. I had realized that the time Roman and I had was actually a blessing in disguise. I had an “ah ha!” moment once I realized that we were abundantly blessed through our time of struggle. We had been blessed to discover God’s love and rely on him in a way that was raw and genuine. We had been blessed to build a marriage that was bruised and scarred, but was stronger than we had ever imagined. We had been blessed with supportive family and friends who cried and prayed with us.

April 28^th will be our five year wedding anniversary and when I look at our last five years together, I’m in awe of how much we’ve been able to experience together. When Roman and I were engaged, we always shared our dreams of traveling the world. God blessed us with the gift of time and gave us the opportunity to explore the amazing world around us. We’ve made memories we will cherish forever. I was also able to pursue my educational goals freely and start my career. I have also been given countless opportunities to share my testimony that I wouldn’t have otherwise.

Also, my husband has always been in touch with artistic side. The last few years, he’s been given the opportunity to pursue his passion of music, photography and art (check out  blog.infocusphotography.us for his work). We don’t know if he’d ever have such an opportunity otherwise. When I look back over the last five years of our journey, what stands out most is the out pour of blessings on our life. And most interestingly, we were blessed with the gift of exploring adoption and the beauty of starting our family through the gift of adoption.  We weren’t being punished at all, we were given unique blessings, that may look different than the norm, but it’s the path that God has paved for us. Who are we to question that?

So if you are experiencing infertility, don’t sit and wait for your life to start!!!! Pursue your passions and take advantage of the gift of time. Couples can lose years of their lives waiting in limbo.  It can also rob you of your happiness, which is a key component of good health and it makes the whole conception process tougher emotionally and increases stress levels.  So Go ahead and plan that vacation, start that ministry, go back to school, or take a job or make that change you’ve wanted to make and move forward in your lives because your life has meaning and purpose already.  God has given you a unique purpose and you need to start living in order to fulfill that purpose. Putting your life on hold “just in case” you are pregnant will make you miserable and you’ll lose sight of the blessings in your life.  If you pursue you desires and passions, you have nothing to lose because you will be improving your overall health and happiness.