Stop Waiting… Start Living!

 Speaking from experience, when people struggle with infertility, it’s often too easy to stop enjoying their lives or put things on hold waiting for the day they get pregnant.  I'll be the first to admit that it's far too easy to start living your life, two weeks at a time. Two weeks waiting for ovulation, then another two weeks waiting for a pregnancy test. You wake up daily with only that on your mind and it’s hard to move past that hurdle. 

 I’ve been told a few times “If I was in your situation, I don’t know what I would do. I would be so devastated.” One person said “If I couldn’t have kids and went through all of your health issues, I’d probably stay in bed and cry all day.” Although I did have days where all I wanted to do was hibernate in bed, where I could avoid my surrounding world of happy families, beautiful children and SUPER fertile family and friends, that wasn’t the case every day. I'll admit there were days where I was devastated and just sick of waiting for my turn to be happy. I felt like God was punishing me and I had to wait out this horrible punishment until it was time to start living the life I had always wanted. One day when I was overwhelmed by self pity and sorrow, I heard Laura Story’s song Blessings. The lyrics rang in my ears like they were being spoken directly to me. I pulled over in my car and began to weep.  

“Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?

What if You’re healing comes through tears?

What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near?

What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?”

I had been waiting for a huge miracle in my life. I was waiting for pregnancy in order to celebrate and enjoy my life. At that moment I had realized God was truly trying to bless my husband and I through the struggles of infertility. I had realized that the time Roman and I had was actually a blessing in disguise. I had an “ah ha!” moment once I realized that we were abundantly blessed through our time of struggle. We had been blessed to discover God’s love and rely on him in a way that was raw and genuine. We had been blessed to build a marriage that was bruised and scarred, but was stronger than we had ever imagined. We had been blessed with supportive family and friends who cried and prayed with us.

April 28^th will be our five year wedding anniversary and when I look at our last five years together, I’m in awe of how much we’ve been able to experience together. When Roman and I were engaged, we always shared our dreams of traveling the world. God blessed us with the gift of time and gave us the opportunity to explore the amazing world around us. We’ve made memories we will cherish forever. I was also able to pursue my educational goals freely and start my career. I have also been given countless opportunities to share my testimony that I wouldn’t have otherwise.

Also, my husband has always been in touch with artistic side. The last few years, he’s been given the opportunity to pursue his passion of music, photography and art (check out  blog.infocusphotography.us for his work). We don’t know if he’d ever have such an opportunity otherwise. When I look back over the last five years of our journey, what stands out most is the out pour of blessings on our life. And most interestingly, we were blessed with the gift of exploring adoption and the beauty of starting our family through the gift of adoption.  We weren’t being punished at all, we were given unique blessings, that may look different than the norm, but it’s the path that God has paved for us. Who are we to question that?

So if you are experiencing infertility, don’t sit and wait for your life to start!!!! Pursue your passions and take advantage of the gift of time. Couples can lose years of their lives waiting in limbo.  It can also rob you of your happiness, which is a key component of good health and it makes the whole conception process tougher emotionally and increases stress levels.  So Go ahead and plan that vacation, start that ministry, go back to school, or take a job or make that change you’ve wanted to make and move forward in your lives because your life has meaning and purpose already.  God has given you a unique purpose and you need to start living in order to fulfill that purpose. Putting your life on hold “just in case” you are pregnant will make you miserable and you’ll lose sight of the blessings in your life.  If you pursue you desires and passions, you have nothing to lose because you will be improving your overall health and happiness.