Celebrating (or simply surviving) Mother's Day

Unless you've struggled with infertility, you've probably never looked past the gifts, flowers and lovely mother’s day brunches. The truth is that Mother’s Day is one of the hardest days for most struggling with infertility. It’s a double whammy - Another anniversary of a year gone by without a baby — and a holiday that specifically excludes you.

Mother’s Day often means getting together with family members to celebrate their motherhood. This can be very difficult for a woman who is trying hard to have a baby but hasn’t yet succeeded, leaving her feeling isolated and alone. I’ve spent many mothers’ days holding back tears after church service and wondering why life is so unfair. But guess what, I survived, so will you! There are two ways you can generally cope with M-Day.

Sitting Mother’s Day Out

You should take your emotional temperature before deciding to sit out and go into hibernation for the day. Ask yourself, “How does Mother’s Day really make you feel?”. If it’s just awful and you won’t be able to contain  your emotions, then have a talk with your  mom and let her know you need some space and would love to celebrate HER another day, away from all of the commotion. You can “sit out” Mother’s Day with an activity you enjoy that is completely unrelated to the holiday.  But beware, It’ll be hard to avoid the festivities all together; as you will be subjected to Mother’s Day photos and Mommy-related status updates on facebook. 

Jumping into Mother’s Day

Let’s say your temperature about Mother’s Day is just mildly elevated to slightly unpleasant and difficult. (OK, let’s just say the holiday doesn’t make you want to stick needles in your eyes.) Then, celebrating your own mother could be the coping strategy that works for you.


You can take the bull by the horns and plan a brunch or dinner to celebrate your mom, after all, that’s what the holiday is about in the first place. Keep busy celebrating her, and you may forget your sadness for a while.

Making your mother the center of attention (thus taking the attention of yourself) may work, particularly if you and your mother are close and she has been supportive throughout your infertility battle. Use this as a chance to thank her for her support.

The main thing is to recognize that you have a right to feel upset about this holiday, and every right to manage it in the way that is least painful for you and is respectful to others.