I am afraid. I wish I was brave and could say the fear of the war wasn't weighing on my shoulders, but it is getting heavier with every day. It is all anyone talks about. Every few days, I receive a new email from the United States embassy urging US residence to evacuate and avoid travel into Ukraine, especially Donetsk and other eastern cities. The Russian military poses a safety threat and there is warning of potential war. Every time I see this, I can't believe this is reality! Is this really my life??? Am I really thousands of miles from home, spending my last bit of energy, money, faith and patience to do something God has called us to. Why does this have to be so darn difficult??? Honestly, most families start in the comfort of their homes through the beautiful process of pregnancy. The long awaited ultrasounds, baby kicking, the lovely pregnancy glow, the glorious baby shower and finally the beautiful (granted painful) process of birth, at which you get this perfect bundle of joy. It's perfect because it's yours and you don't doubt for a moment that it'll be the best thing that ever happened to you. But nope, that's not me, here I am... scared, impatient, frustrated with no guarantees we will get our happy ending. Isn't this God's plan!? Shouldn't God's plan offer some insurance? I didn't wake up one day and decide I'd like to take a detour in life and chose this fate. if God put us here, when will he pull us out? Will life ever get easier for us?Why is life often so unfair? Why am I getting held up on what's fair or not to begin with? Shouldn't I be stronger, braver and more faithful by now? When will we get our happily ever after?
Monday, March 31, 2014
Homesick
Just a few weeks ago, I was raving about how exciting and blessed this journey has been. Fast forward 14 days later: we traveled 24 hours by train (it must have been an antique) to arrive in Kovel, Ukraine. Now we wait, impatiently, for our court date in Donetsk, which we were supposed to get by Wednesday. Unfortunately there are some delays, which means we have to stay in a country that is in complete turmoil, for an extended time...Lovely! Although we have enjoyed our unexpected family time and my grandma's delicious cooking, my patience has quickly run out. Yesterday, I had a bit of a breakdown and I fear I may have accepted defeat. I am extremely homesick. I am sick of waiting for this adoption process to be over with already. I want to go home.
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That is do tough. Remember that God doesn't give us more than one can bear. You are strong and the Lord is really shaping you through this process. Patience is number one in parenting. Keep your head up and continue to pray ♡
ReplyDeleteSometimes it is so hard to understand God. We want to cry out to God and say, “God why? Why are you allowing this to happen? Why are you making it so hard? Why don’t you hear me? If you are an all loving, all powerful God, why don’t you just give me what I want?” And God says “my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways.” (Isaiah 55:8) God says, “[My timing is perfect. Don’t be scared, trust and believe for] I make all things work together for good, to those who love Me.” (Romans 8:28)
ReplyDeleteWhen we look at the lives of the apostles, all but one suffered and were martyred for Christ. Apostle Paul faced hardships, sufferings, travails. Men who were so close with God went through pain, went through trials, went through hardships. Couldn’t God protect them from all of that? Couldn’t God put a bubble around them and not allow any of the hardships to occur. He could have, He is God. But He did not. Jesus says, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33) Sometimes we don’t understand why God is allowing difficult situations. Sometimes it is so hard to accept God’s plan. But He says that He is with us always and he will help us through any situation. We are strong in Christ.
Krystyna, you and Roman are such a big example for all of us. Seeing how far you went. Seeing how much you are willing to sacrifice for these adorable children, tells us how much you accept them into your home and how much you love them. Your family shows us a glimpse of God’s love towards us. How much He loved us and how much He sacrificed for us. I just want to encourage you to stay strong in the Lord. What seems impossible for man is possible for God. Our church is praying for you. My family and I pray for you guys every day. There are many people, people that you don’t even know, that are holding your family up in prayer. What a blessing it is to be part of a family of believers, a family of God. “I am with you always,” says Jesus, especially in a time when you feel alone, when you feel afraid, when you feel like your word is crashing. “I am with you.”
Can’t wait to have you guys back home.